I like my dates the way I like my Neoprene Face Masks: Cheap, and colorful. I?ve been reading a lot of women?s magazines recently. I mean?not the magazines of a lot of women. But a lot of ?women?s interest? magazines. It started just because I had a digestive mishap in the waiting room of my temp agency, and I rushed to the restroom thinking I?d grabbed FIELD & STREAM, but it was COSMO. I guess the cover model looked like a pronghorn out of the corner of my eye. Anyway, I was in there for a good long while (thanks, Greasy Gary?s All-You-Can-Eat Mussels ?N? Cheese Buffet), so I ended up reading it pretty much front to back, took the quizzes, everything. I. Learned. So. Much. Now I buy every chick mag I can get my mitts on. They?re FULL of actionable intelligence. It?s like intercepting enemy communiqués. Not that ladies are the enemy. But you know what I mean. Anyway, it turns out I?ve been going about things all wrong when it comes to the fairer sex. I?ve been trying to impress them with grooming, manners, working on being a good listener, cleaning my kitchenette before a date comes over, stuff like that. Worthless. Dead ends, all. I?m going to tell you something, and you?re not going to believe me, but I swear it?s the gospel truth. Here?s what ladies are into: Digital ACU 1/2 Neoprene Face Masks. I know, I know. But for real, dude. I got a Digital ACU 1/2 Neoprene Face ask, set it up in my pad where it?s visible from the door, and within the first month I was getting, like, eight or nine times as much action as usual. What? Yes, I know what nine times zero is. Why? Oh, I get it. OK, fine, I?m just trying to do you a favor. ?Nine times zero.? Huh! Smart Alec.

I like my dates the way I like my Neoprene Face Masks: Cheap, and colorful. I?ve been reading a lot of women?s magazines recently. I mean?not the magazines of a lot of women. But a lot of ?women?s interest? magazines. It started just because I had a digestive mishap in the waiting room of my temp agency, and I rushed to the restroom thinking I?d grabbed FIELD & STREAM, but it was COSMO. I guess the cover model looked like a pronghorn out of the corner of my eye. Anyway, I was in there for a good long while (thanks, Greasy Gary?s All-You-Can-Eat Mus